As soon as he can, he parks the car to talk about this topic, with words that combine reflection and experience. He is convinced that \"the peace and joy that come from chastity are worth more than all the pleasures of the world\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Evert does not speak about this virtue with accusations or by stirring up sorrows. He considers that living chastity is the only way to realize that for which we were created, \"to receive love and to give love\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To better understand his message, based on the theology of the body of St. John Paul II, we asked him about sexuality in couples, the hope of young people and the beauty of chastity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can you give us a positive definition of chastity?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 Pope John Paul II said that the word \u201cchastity\u201d needs to be rehabilitated. There\u2019s so many negative connotations associated with it. But one thing he also said was that the virtue of chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love. And I think that what he meant by that was that the function of chastity is to free us to love and to be authentically loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How does it free us to love? From a man\u2019s perspective, if I can\u2019t say no to my sexual impulses, then saying yes to them means nothing. If I don\u2019t have self-control, I can\u2019t make the gift of myself to my wife. And if a man never learns self-mastery prior to marriage, I don\u2019t think he\u2019ll ever make love to his own wife, he\u2019ll just use her body as an outlet of what he thinks of as his sexual needs. And a woman knows the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chastity also frees you to know if you are being loved. From a woman\u2019s perspective, if a guy is unwilling to date you if you are not going to give him certain sexual pleasures, then it shows that it\u2019s not you that he desires, but the pleasure that he can get from you. And so chastity can really help a woman to discern if a man loves her or if he just wants to use her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chastity it\u2019s a virtue that is not simply abstinence. The virtue of chastity is more synonymous with purity, purity of heart. And one of the benefits of that is that it makes you free to see God. Not only to see God in Heaven, but to see God in your girlfriend, in yourself and in the created universe. So, chastity gives you clarity of vision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chastity is not a negative and prudish attitude towards sexuality, it\u2019s a virtue that frees you to love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You have stated that purity is the only way to authentic intimacy. What do you mean by that?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 Lust blocks intimacy, because lust is not sexual attraction or desire, those in themselves are good things. Lust is the reduction of a human person to their sexual value. And there\u2019s really nothing intimate about that. You don\u2019t see a person, you see a body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lust blocks intimacy, but chastity makes it possible., because you are seeing the person as a person, not just as something that you can extract pleasure from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sexuality is experienced very differently between men and women. How can we find balance in the couple, both in dating and in marriage, when living in chastity?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 It\u2019s important that we have regard for one another\u2019s weaknesses. The other might be tempted in areas that we are not. And I think that the word \u2018modesty\u2019 is important. We have reduced it to clothing, but that\u2019s not all of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, clothing is a part of modesty and we tend to think about it in relation to women. But modesty is also a male thing, in particular we need to talk about the modesty in the men\u2019s intentions. Because sometimes the intentions of a man towards a woman could be far from immodest than any outfit that she could possibly put on. So men need to check if they are being emotionally impure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Girls can fall into the opposite side. They need to check if they are trying to physically manipulate the guy in order to obtain emotional pleasure from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we have to understand our own weaknesses and challenges, and understand those of the other sex, in order to have regard for that. And that\u2019s why John Paul II called modesty the \u201cguardian of love\u201d, because it opens up a way towards love and helps you to fall in love for the right reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You founded the \u201cChastity Project\u201d with your wife. Why did you start this project?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 I started it for two reasons. One is I led many high school retreats and on these retreats the high school students would share with me all the struggles they were having and a lot of them were related to chastity, or the lack of it. There was a lot of confusion in the relationships and they had no formation, no guidance on this subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the same time, he counseled women who were considering abortion. He did this as a \"sidewalk counselor,\" so he would talk to women just before they had an abortion. But I felt I was late. Yes, I was talking to a woman but she had an abortion appointment 45 minutes later. There I was wondering why I couldn't have met her when I was 16. Because maybe then, if she had learned about chastity, she wouldn't be in this difficult situation. You don't save babies in front of an abortion clinic, you don't do that by trying to change the supply of abortion. You do that by reducing the demand for abortion. You have to act first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so, as I was doing these different ministries, I was also reading Pope John Paul II\u2019s book \u201cLove and responsibility\u201d, and I started seeing that as the antidote for so much of this hurt and confusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many people think that the Church shouldn\u2019t speak about sex, claiming that priests don\u2019t know much about it. Could we say that what they claim is true?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 I think that the world makes a big mistake in discrediting the Church\u2019s teachings on sexuality, because they are being proclaimed by celibate men. In particular, when Pope John Paull II was a professor at the university in Lublin (Poland), his classrooms were packed. His female students thought he must have been married at some point, or at least engaged, because of how well he understood women. But he understood women that well because he was an extraordinary listener. A priest listens to thousands of confessions, many of them are from women, married women, who say things that they might not even say to their own husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t need to engage in sexual activity to understand the gift of our sexuality as male and female, any more than an oncologist needs to have cancer to be able to treat it. And if anybody doubts this, they should just read the book \u201cLove and responsibility\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When asked about how to teach all this to the modern world, Pope John Paul II answered by saying: \u201cIt is necessary to understand the soul of the woman\u201d. All of these things that have promised to liberate her, premarital sex, contraception, abortion\u2026 They have enslaved her instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pope John Paul II also talks about when Adam first saw Eve\u2019s naked body. John Paul II says that she experienced \u201cthe peace of the interior gaze\u201d. What he meant by that is that women are very perceptive as to how men look at them. If a woman senses that a man is looking at her in an objectifying way, she becomes defensive and restless, she feels vulnerable and exposed. She might even be resentful towards him or towards sexuality in general. But if a man has purity of heart, in particular a husband towards his wife, he\u2019s able to give to her all of the peace of the interior gaze. Meaning she is at rest in his presence, she can be naked without shame because she knows he\u2019s looking at her with love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It seems that once you get married, everything is allowed in sex. How do you live chastity in marriage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u2013 Lust blocks intimacy, because lust is not sexual attraction or desire, those in themselves are good things. Lust is the reduction of a human person to their sexual value. And there\u2019s really nothing intimate about that. You don\u2019t see a person, you see a body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lust blocks intimacy, but chastity makes it possible., because you are seeing the person as a person, not just as something that you can extract pleasure from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sexuality is experienced very differently between men and women. How can we find balance in the couple, both in dating and in marriage, when living in chastity?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 It\u2019s important that we have regard for one another\u2019s weaknesses. The other might be tempted in areas that we are not. And I think that the word \u2018modesty\u2019 is important. We have reduced it to clothing, but that\u2019s not all of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, clothing is a part of modesty and we tend to think about it in relation to women. But modesty is also a male thing, in particular we need to talk about the modesty in the men\u2019s intentions. Because sometimes the intentions of a man towards a woman could be far from immodest than any outfit that she could possibly put on. So men need to check if they are being emotionally impure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Girls can fall into the opposite side. They need to check if they are trying to physically manipulate the guy in order to obtain emotional pleasure from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we have to understand our own weaknesses and challenges, and understand those of the other sex, in order to have regard for that. And that\u2019s why John Paul II called modesty the \u201cguardian of love\u201d, because it opens up a way towards love and helps you to fall in love for the right reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You founded the \u201cChastity Project\u201d with your wife. Why did you start this project?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 I started it for two reasons. One is I led many high school retreats and on these retreats the high school students would share with me all the struggles they were having and a lot of them were related to chastity, or the lack of it. There was a lot of confusion in the relationships and they had no formation, no guidance on this subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the same time, he counseled women who were considering abortion. He did this as a \"sidewalk counselor,\" so he would talk to women just before they had an abortion. But I felt I was late. Yes, I was talking to a woman but she had an abortion appointment 45 minutes later. There I was wondering why I couldn't have met her when I was 16. Because maybe then, if she had learned about chastity, she wouldn't be in this difficult situation. You don't save babies in front of an abortion clinic, you don't do that by trying to change the supply of abortion. You do that by reducing the demand for abortion. You have to act first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so, as I was doing these different ministries, I was also reading Pope John Paul II\u2019s book \u201cLove and responsibility\u201d, and I started seeing that as the antidote for so much of this hurt and confusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many people think that the Church shouldn\u2019t speak about sex, claiming that priests don\u2019t know much about it. Could we say that what they claim is true?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n\u2013 I think that the world makes a big mistake in discrediting the Church\u2019s teachings on sexuality, because they are being proclaimed by celibate men. In particular, when Pope John Paull II was a professor at the university in Lublin (Poland), his classrooms were packed. His female students thought he must have been married at some point, or at least engaged, because of how well he understood women. But he understood women that well because he was an extraordinary listener. A priest listens to thousands of confessions, many of them are from women, married women, who say things that they might not even say to their own husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t need to engage in sexual activity to understand the gift of our sexuality as male and female, any more than an oncologist needs to have cancer to be able to treat it. And if anybody doubts this, they should just read the book \u201cLove and responsibility\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When asked about how to teach all this to the modern world, Pope John Paul II answered by saying: \u201cIt is necessary to understand the soul of the woman\u201d. All of these things that have promised to liberate her, premarital sex, contraception, abortion\u2026 They have enslaved her instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pope John Paul II also talks about when Adam first saw Eve\u2019s naked body. John Paul II says that she experienced \u201cthe peace of the interior gaze\u201d. What he meant by that is that women are very perceptive as to how men look at them. If a woman senses that a man is looking at her in an objectifying way, she becomes defensive and restless, she feels vulnerable and exposed. She might even be resentful towards him or towards sexuality in general. But if a man has purity of heart, in particular a husband towards his wife, he\u2019s able to give to her all of the peace of the interior gaze. Meaning she is at rest in his presence, she can be naked without shame because she knows he\u2019s looking at her with love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It seems that once you get married, everything is allowed in sex. How do you live chastity in marriage?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u2013 I started it for two reasons. One is I led many high school retreats and on these retreats the high school students would share with me all the struggles they were having and a lot of them were related to chastity, or the lack of it. There was a lot of confusion in the relationships and they had no formation, no guidance on this subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the same time, he counseled women who were considering abortion. He did this as a \"sidewalk counselor,\" so he would talk to women just before they had an abortion. But I felt I was late. Yes, I was talking to a woman but she had an abortion appointment 45 minutes later. There I was wondering why I couldn't have met her when I was 16. Because maybe then, if she had learned about chastity, she wouldn't be in this difficult situation. You don't save babies in front of an abortion clinic, you don't do that by trying to change the supply of abortion. You do that by reducing the demand for abortion. You have to act first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so, as I was doing these different ministries, I was also reading Pope John Paul II\u2019s book \u201cLove and responsibility\u201d, and I started seeing that as the antidote for so much of this hurt and confusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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