{"id":62815,"date":"2026-06-30T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-06-30T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.omnesmag.com\/?p=62815"},"modified":"2026-06-29T13:40:02","modified_gmt":"2026-06-29T11:40:02","slug":"an-apology-that-doesnt-ask-for-forgiveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.omnesmag.com\/en\/firmas\/disculpa-que-no-pide-perdon\/","title":{"rendered":"The apology that doesn't ask for forgiveness"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a long time since it happened. Years, perhaps. The people who were hurt went on with their lives as best they could; some succeeded, others not quite. And then, at some point\u2014an interview, a campaign, a public rehabilitation effort in progress\u2014the politician appears before the cameras with a contrite expression and a measured tone: \u201cIf anyone has been offended by my words or my decisions, I apologize.\u201d That conditional is not innocent. \u201cIf anyone has felt\u201d: that is to say, perhaps no one should have felt that way; perhaps the problem lies not in what I did but in how you received it. The apology shifts the responsibility onto the offended party. You suffered; I did not cause the suffering. And the harm\u2014specific, documented, with names and surnames\u2014is left hanging in the air without anyone taking responsibility for it. That is not asking for forgiveness. It doesn\u2019t even meet the minimum requirement for forgiveness: acknowledging that I harmed a specific person, not just someone who may have been overly sensitive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Empty apologies<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This scene says a lot about the moral climate we live in. We\u2019ve never had such a keen sense for detecting injustices, exclusion, and disrespect\u2026 The language <\/a>The potential for harm is everywhere. We\u2019re very good at identifying what hurts us, and, amid this heightened sensitivity, it has become more difficult to talk about blame with even a modicum of clarity, since everyone feels hurt, but almost no one seems willing to admit that they\u2019ve caused harm. Everything is offensive, but almost nothing is recognized as objectively offensive. That is why hollow apologies are so common: they do not stem from an awareness of having done wrong, but from the need to put out a reputational fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem is that, without that awareness, there can be no true forgiveness either. For forgiveness to exist, there must be something to forgive. It must be possible to say, without euphemisms, that there was an injustice, a betrayal, a cruelty, a humiliation, or a lie. Forgiveness does not begin by downplaying the wrongdoing, but by naming it. That is why those public statements full of conditionals and vagueness are so irritating. They ask us to turn the page without having read the previous one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Arrogance of the Guilty Party<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s pause for a moment to consider the other side of the situation\u2014not the person who was offended, but the one offering an apology. There, too, there is a very contemporary confusion. The idea has become widespread that apologizing is, in some way, equivalent to putting the episode behind us. \u201cI\u2019ve already apologized\u2014what more do you want? I\u2019ve done my part; now it\u2019s your turn to forgive me and restore my peace of mind.\u201d But truly acknowledging the harm caused does not entitle one to be forgiven within a timeframe one deems reasonable. If I have caused harm, I can admit it and make amends as much as possible, but I cannot control the other person\u2019s reaction. I cannot demand that the other person stop feeling hurt so that I can feel morally safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something similar happens with institutions. They, too, can humbly acknowledge the harm they have caused; what they cannot do is turn that admission into a justification for demanding redress. And if public opinion does not immediately restore trust, they have no right to portray themselves as victims. Having asked for sorry <\/a>It does not turn every subsequent criticism into an injustice. There is a fairly recognizable form of arrogance in the guilty party who, after acknowledging their mistake, begins to complain because the harm continues to have consequences. It bothers them that they are not believed right away, that trust takes time to be restored. They portray themselves as victims of excessive harshness, when in reality what bothers them is realizing that an apology does not automatically erase the effects of what they did. Sincere repentance is somewhat humiliating because it forces one to acknowledge one\u2019s own guilt and to wait\u2014to accept that the other person may not yet be able to forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian Forgiveness: An Act of the Will<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Christianity has never confused forgiveness with moral amnesia. To forgive is not to deny the seriousness of what happened, to renounce justice, or to immediately trust again someone who has betrayed that trust. C. S. Lewis observed that we all think forgiveness is a wonderful idea\u2026 until we have something to forgive. That is when we discover that the problem is not understanding what it means to forgive, but wanting to do so. What forgiveness does entail is the concrete decision to refuse to live trapped in resentment, feeding the desire for revenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to think of forgiveness in sentimental terms, as if only someone who no longer feels anger or sorrow could say, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d But Christian forgiveness takes place first and foremost in the realm of the will. One can still be hurt and yet forgive. One can continue to remember what happened with sadness and yet choose not to repay evil with evil. It may take time, prudence, even distance, and yet at the same time, one may have already taken that inner step by which one ceases to wish harm upon the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

St. Josemar\u00eda<\/a> He put it in his usual unsentimental way: \u201cMake an effort, if necessary, to always forgive those who offend you, from the very first moment.\u201d The phrase is valuable precisely because of that \u201cif necessary.\u201d It does not idealize the human heart nor does it assume that forgiveness springs forth spontaneously as soon as one has understood the theory. It assumes that there will be times when forgiveness must be wrested from pride and wounded memory. Perhaps one will have to forgive before one feels like doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

School of Inner Freedom<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

On another point, St. Josemar\u00eda summarized the Christian response to offense in a very simple sequence: pray, be silent, understand, forgive. It is neither a magic formula nor advice for the weak-willed. It is a small lesson in inner freedom. Pray, because when one is hurt, one cannot see clearly. Remain silent, because the first responses are usually the worst. Understand\u2014not in the sense of justifying evil, but of resisting the temptation to caricature the other person. And forgive\u2014which doesn\u2019t mean saying that nothing happened, but deciding that the harm I\u2019ve suffered will not govern my behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forgiveness as a grace and an undeserved gift<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even so, Christians know that simply resolving to forgive is not enough. There are wounds that do not heal just because one has made a reasonable decision. There are betrayals that seemed to have been overcome but resurface years later with undiminished force. In such cases, the modern idea that everything can be resolved through willpower begins to falter. One may sincerely want to forgive and discover, to one\u2019s great embarrassment, that one cannot. Then one of the deepest realities of Christianity comes to light: forgiveness is not merely a moral duty; it is also a grace that must be asked for. It is not merely a commandment, but a gift. The Lord\u2019s Prayer expresses this with such naturalness that it almost prevents us from realizing what it is saying: \u201cForgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We ask for forgiveness and, at the same time, we ask to be able to forgive. It is a demanding plea because it commits us; but it is also an admission of our weakness: we cannot always do it on our own. There are times when the only honest thing one can say before God is: I want to forgive, but I can\u2019t; give me what you ask of me. Must a Christian forgive? Yes; the Gospel leaves little room for doubt. But the command does not arise from the rights of the guilty party, but from the mercy received. A Christian forgives because he knows that he himself lives by unmerited forgiveness. That is why forgiveness is not at the mercy of feelings, nor does it depend on the pain or anger someday disappearing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Need for Forgiveness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This doesn\u2019t apply only to private life. A society in which everyone is quick to take offense and no one is willing to acknowledge fault, humbly ask for forgiveness, or grant it, eventually becomes suffocating. Every mistake becomes a stigma; every ill-chosen word, a condemnation with no end in sight. We talk a lot about coexistence, respect, and inclusion. But a human community cannot be sustained by rules and protocols alone. It is also sustained by the ability to say \u201cI was wrong\u201d without making excuses, and to respond \u201cI forgive you\u201d without trivializing the wrongdoing, yet without remaining chained to it. Perhaps that is why forgiveness can never be reduced to a correct formula or a well-delivered apology. It requires the truth to call wrongdoing by its name, and the freedom to ensure that that wrongdoing does not forever define our relationship with the other person.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ha pasado mucho tiempo desde que ocurri\u00f3. A\u00f1os, tal vez. Las personas da\u00f1adas siguieron con sus vidas como pudieron; algunas lo lograron, otras no del todo. Y entonces, en alg\u00fan momento \u2014una entrevista, una campa\u00f1a, una rehabilitaci\u00f3n p\u00fablica en proceso\u2014 el pol\u00edtico aparece ante las c\u00e1maras con gesto compungido y voz pausada: \u201cSi alguien se […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1436,"featured_media":62819,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[47,48],"tags":[1287],"class_list":["post-62815","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-firmas","category-firmas-invitadas","tag-perdon"],"yoast_head":"\nLa disculpa que no pide perd\u00f3n<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Una sociedad en la que todos est\u00e1n listos para ofenderse y nadie est\u00e1 dispuesto a pedir perd\u00f3n o concederlo, acaba volvi\u00e9ndose irrespirable.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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