Survival guide for Christmas dinners

At Christmas, blood relatives or politics can become the enemy to be defeated. The battlefield: the dinner table. The weapon is words. How is this possible, when Christmas is supposed to be a time to celebrate the birth of the Savior, to open our hearts to our neighbors, to give ourselves to others and offer the best of ourselves, to show solidarity and charity to those far away? The answer is not easy, but the truth is that there is a great contrast between reality and what should happen at this time of year.

How has this social investment been cooked up? What social engineering has been carried out by those who encourage us to consume, influence us culturally, lead us socially, and run our country? The answer is broad. Part of the problem stems from polarization, politicization, and fragmentation, which have transformed society. As a result, life has become more than just living; it has become surviving.

It seems like we are in a daily race to pay the bills, get our children to school and their doctors« appointments on time, find parking, or submit the latest requirement to receive assistance or avoid a fine. There's no time to think, only to feel overwhelmed. And if we add to that »the devastating advance of the four modern horsemen of the apocalypse (overpopulation, resource depletion, pollution, and climate change),« as Luri says in his book »On the Art of Reading," then we might as well give up. 

How can you flip a tortilla without it falling apart?

On the one hand, recognizing that there are many things that do not depend on us, since we are fragile, limited, and vulnerable, because we are human. And we do not have control over humanity in our hands. That is why Christmas is a good time to pray the beginning of the well-known “Serenity Prayer,” a prayer attributed to the Lutheran theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, which says:

“Lord, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”.

It is a good way to approach the “dreaded” Christmas meals with a different attitude, not one of imposing, attacking, or returning an affront. Instead, it is the attitude of someone who knows that changing others is not in their power. The attitude of someone who does not impose their ideas but proposes them, because they are not necessarily better and because they respect the freedom and conscience of others. Without neglecting the serenity of someone who is at peace with themselves and therefore transmits it (can you think of a better way to avoid conflict?). And the attitude of someone who distances themselves from “brother-in-lawism,” because my answers are not necessarily your answers to the same problems.

That said, without rest for our bodies and minds, we will not succeed. Sleep, sport, inner and outer silence, reading, sharing cultural outings or excursions with the family... all these things allow us to put the pieces of our lives in place.

It is also time to reinterpret past words and actions to place them in a context of empathy. Do you remember the famous Coca-Cola commercial from 2003 that moved half of Spain? A teenager acted as an intermediary between his father and mother, relaying mutual reproaches, going from the kitchen to the living room, and from the living room to the kitchen, through the hallways of the house. Until he opens a bottle of the famous soft drink, and a spark is lit, reinterpreting the words the two say to each other, transforming them into compliments that awaken the appreciation and attraction they enjoyed in the past, loving each other again as they had before.  And why can't the same thing happen with a family member we don't talk to? What can we do to restore relationships that used to flow? 

The survival guide for this Christmas may end up being, to a large extent, what we work on and pray for. It is up to us to build bridges, to forget what is not worth remembering, and to welcome the gestures of others with respect and sensitivity. But above all, we must remember that Jesus Christ came to earth precisely for this reason: to redeem us with his love. Merry Christmas!