Belén Ayuso is a Christian singer who experienced a miracle in her life thanks to God. She used to sing reggaeton with lyrics that were completely contrary to the word of God, and an illness—which she considers a blessing—made her stop and realize that, although she loved music, she was not in tune with either the Lord or herself. Trying to please everyone, she lost herself until she fell into a deep depression and chronic anxiety. When neither psychologists, psychiatrists, nor her family or friends could help her, she decided to turn to God, surrender to Him, and ask Him for healing, promising to dedicate her life and her voice to Him.
Today we speak with a happy Belén, grateful and fully committed to her purpose of singing for the Lord.
What specific miracles would you say He has done in you?
One of them is healing. It healed me from depression and anxiety. Something that at the time I thought was impossible, because I was surviving a state that I couldn't get out of.
Another miracle is liberation. God cleansed me, turning me into a completely different person than I was before. That process of liberation is very painful, because God removes those parts of you that you have built up for yourself because of wounds and disappointments.
The miracle is that God makes you a new creature. The new creature in Christ is what He wants from you and for you. Liberation is happiness.
And those are the two miracles that I believe God has performed for me.
Could you explain what this new creature is like? How does God want to do something new in you?
I always say that suffering makes you grow, and God uses it for that very purpose. Because if everything were always the way we wanted it to be, we would never look to God.
That loneliness, that suffering, that emptiness was what led me to turn to the Lord. It is very important to understand that suffering does not kill Christians; rather, we are reborn through the process.
Are you grateful for that suffering?
Absolutely. That's why I always say: God blessed me with an illness. What a statement. But it's true, because I know that if I hadn't gone through that suffering, I would never have turned to God.
I saw a video where you said, «My family thought I had gone crazy.» You convert and radically change your life. How do you introduce that conversion into your circle?
Of course, I went from singing reggaeton to suddenly receiving that call from God. When He healed me, I said to Him, "I surrender myself to You. I owe You everything." When I told them what had happened to me, the call I had received from the Lord, my parents thought I had literally gone crazy.
My parents, who have always been Christians, also disagreed with me singing reggaeton and those kinds of lyrics, because my lyrics were apologies for drugs, alcohol, lust, infidelity, everything that goes against God. Even so, it was a complete surprise to them, just as it was to me, because four years ago I would never in my life have considered singing for God.
It was a light for everyone. It has also changed my relationship with my parents, with my children, the way I feel, love, see people, even see myself, because in the end, God is the one who gives you that identity. It was something very beautiful for everyone.
It's true that it took a little effort, because they didn't understand it at first, but it has been yet another miracle that has fixed the situation at home.
What response did you receive when you started making Christian music?
It was difficult not only because of the music, but also because God was taking things away from me and radically cleansing my life, both friendships and very toxic relationships, as well as the relationship I had with myself.
It's true that it was a huge change for me and my environment, but I'm very grateful. I think that in the world we live in now, where there is so much suffering, so much anxiety, so much lack of self-esteem, we all want to talk about the good things that happen to us, our successes, our victories, but really, the world cries out for authenticity. People want to see real people, with problems, with mistakes.
That's why I show myself as I am, because I'm tired of always seeing people who have everything going great for them. It's a lie. We all have problems, crosses we bear, and that's the way it is, and that's okay.
You talk about how sin left you feeling dirty even though you had encountered God and knew that He forgave you. How did you experience the discovery of confession?
To be honest, I've had this thing since I was little. When I went into the confessional as a child, I always felt dizzy.
It's a mental thing. I would go in, and immediately feel dizzy. They even had to take me out and put my legs up, because it was something I couldn't do since I was little.
And at that time, my friend Aisha, who also sings Catholic music, would say to me, «Belén, you have to go to confession.» And I would say to her, "Sister, I can't." Then she said to me, "Belén, I'm going to pray for you so that Jesus will accompany you in that confession and you can truly confess." That day I entered with a peace of mind that I did not expect.
I was able to rid myself of all the sins I carried, of fatal filth. And after that confession, it was like 20 years had been lifted from me. I found peace.
There are many people who come to faith in a very strange and emotional way. What would you say to people who want to encounter God but don't see it so clearly?.
I would tell them that the path with Jesus, the path with God, is the path of peace, love, and liberation. A person who wants to encounter God but does not have, as you say, that feeling, only has to ask God for it. Pray and say, «Lord, I want to encounter you, I want to believe in you, increase my faith.».
I am a woman of great faith, but I also often lack faith. It happens to all of us; we all have those crises. But it is important to talk to the Lord about it and ask Him for that much-needed faith.
There is something that young people call ‘demons.’ They are flashbacks of something you don't like about yourself or a sin that haunts you and ultimately leads to remorse. How do you overcome those demons?
We must be clear that these things come from the enemy. The devil cannot know what you are thinking. Only God can do that. But what he can do is put those thoughts into your head. And we must reject them. You know what God thinks of you, how much God loves you, and what you are to God.
Do you know what happened to me a lot when I was little? When I prayed the Our Father, sometimes the thought «long live the devil!» would come to me. And I wondered why that happened to me. Those are intrusive thoughts, and God knows perfectly well that those thoughts do not come from you. So it is important to have that peace of mind that God knows perfectly well that you love Him and that you are of the light.
You talk about the importance of God's word. How is your music inspired by it?
My music is always inspired by the word of God. It's true that I am someone who likes to express how I feel about God, or even sometimes when I don't feel God, because we often have that feeling that «God isn't listening to me, God isn't with me,» which is a lie, because God is always there. But I like to be very real.
I cannot get up on stage and preach what I believe, what I feel. For me, the word of God is law. So I act based on the word of God.
Do you have any rituals for getting started on writing your songs?
I always say a prayer: «Lord, express what you want me to express. May this serve as an instrument for the liberation of my brothers and sisters.».
Because I make music to serve and help people who are lost find the light, just as I was lost and found it. For me, that is God's purpose for me, and I will fight for it until the end. I always pray for that, so that it can come to fruition, so that I can help other people and praise God, of course, whom I love.
What pillars would you say help you carry your faith?
Confession is essential for me. As soon as I start to sin and don't confess, everything gets worse, always.
For me, confession is spiritual liberation. When you are forgiven by the Lord in confession, those demons can no longer attack you because a demon cannot blame you for something that God has already forgiven you for. Confession has been lost to a great extent because people are reluctant to confess and don't really know what they are missing.
Similarly, the Eucharist, prayer, and fasting also help me a lot.
How does God help you to forgive? How do you see that specifically in your life?
You know what? I have been forgiven a lot.
My priest Guillermo tells me this. I always forgive and forgive everything. Sometimes I even let people take advantage of me. And I didn't understand why this was happening to me. Then he said to me, «Belén, it's because you have been forgiven so much.» And the fact is that forgiveness is something that God has integrated into me very deeply precisely because I have experienced being forgiven so many times.
Do you have a message you would like to convey to our readers?
I would like to send a message to young people.
I would love for you to truly look to God. To know that you don't need any validation from the world, because the world sacrificed the best and most perfect man in this world, because even for the world, he wasn't enough.
Focus on the Lord, on having that relationship. God will reveal your purpose to you. We have all come into this world with a purpose. No existence is a coincidence.
God has a purpose for each one of us. And the moment you look to Him and have that relationship with God, He will reveal it to you.
That is the message I would like to convey. That you are deeply loved.
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