Do you know the psychological dimension of the sacrament of Reconciliation?

The sacrament of confession not only has a profound spiritual dimension, but is also intertwined with psychological aspects that influence how one lives and experiences God's forgiveness and forgiveness of oneself or others. 

Understanding these dynamics can broaden the confessor's perspective, and the other person's, notes the ‘Practical guide for confessors’an international project of the John Templeton Foundation. One of the research teams integrates several psychologists, philosophers and theologians from the universities of Navarra, Pontificia Comillas, San Dámaso and CEU-Abat Oliba. Some of their conclusions in the psychological field are summarized here.

These two aspects are reflected in the study, which included interviews with twenty-five priests from different countries with extensive pastoral experience, are the impact of confession and spiritual accompaniment on psychological health, and the human bond as a source of transformation.

A bridge also for forgiveness

Forgiveness received in confession can become a bridge for the person to forgive himself or herself as well, the guide's experts point out. Feeling welcome and forgiven by Christ in the person of the priest helps to interiorize divine mercy, generating an openness that facilitates personal forgiveness and, in turn, forgiveness towards others.

Reciprocally, learning to forgive oneself can make it easier for a person to approach the sacrament with greater openness and confidence.

Psychological health

On the other hand, “prolonged spiritual accompaniment can have a profound effect on the psychological health of the person accompanied, even beyond the punctual experience of confession,” the guide points out.

The sustained relationship and the continuity in the accompaniment generate “a stable feeling of being accepted and loved in depth, which can favor emotional security and personal openness”.

The attentive listening and total openness of the companion allow the person to explore their attachments, wounds and behavioral patterns, the study adds, “promoting self-knowledge, inner reconciliation and a more balanced development of emotional and spiritual life”.

Avoidance of risks: paternalism, excessive emotional dependence

However, it is essential to take care of the relationship to avoid risks such as paternalism, where the companion imposes his or her criteria or is frustrated when the person makes decisions different from those suggested.

“In spiritual accompaniment there is a stronger relationship of trust, of leadership. Then, sometimes there can be paternalism on the part of the one who accompanies, who is not able to let the other person choose, and gets angry and frustrated when the other person makes a mistake. That is to say, the whole aspect of the relationship that is forged is very delicate, of trust, of accompaniment, that I leave you free and I am not paternalistic”.

This is what the experts express in the guide. In this line, the confessors stress the importance of “preventing any excessive emotional dependence, both on the part of the penitent or accompanied person and the priest, always ensuring that the freedom of the former is respected and that the accompaniment favors his autonomy and maturity”.

Transforming relationships based on trust

The psychologists highlight in the report the power of the “human bond as a source of transformation”. Human beings heal in relationship, they assert. “Our deepest wounds-abandonment, rejection, humiliation, dishonor-are not healed in solitude, but in the encounter with another who welcomes us.”. 

“In confession, it is God himself who heals with his grace, because he is love and mercy. But in this space the priest is also present, whose attitude can accompany or abandon, welcome or reject, open paths or close them, bring us closer or drive us away, give us confidence or generate fear,” they recognize.

In the context of the sacrament 

The priest's “presence and manner of listening,” they continue, “influence how the penitent experiences forgiveness. The sacramental action does not depend on these human factors; however, they can favor or hinder the subjective experience of forgiveness.

According to the study, “research in psychology shows how trusting relationships are one of the most powerful sources of inner transformation. In the context of confession, the relationship with the priest can have a similar effect.”.

Strong relationships, psychological “shock absorber”.

The report cites at this point the Harvard University study on Adult Development, the longest existing research on happiness and health, which concluded that the quality of our relationships is more predictive of our well-being than success or material goods. 

Strong relationships act as a psychological “shock absorber”: they reduce stress, strengthen emotional health and promote resilience, experts stress.

Similarly, “in psychotherapy, it has been shown that the therapeutic alliance (the relationship of trust and continuity between patient and therapist; Baier et al., 2020q) explains much of the improvement, even more than the specific techniques employed. When the person feels listened to, validated and accompanied, he or she is more likely to be open to change and to the integration of painful experiences.”.

Continuity, a human space 

When the penitent feels welcomed with patience and respect, he or she is more likely to experience relief, confidence and openness to grow. “Continuity with the same confessor offers a stable framework of security,” experts explain.

In addition to the gift of God's forgiveness, the person finds the presence of a brother priest who does not reject him, listens to him calmly, without judgment, and even knowing the evil committed, does not call him “wicked, thief or useless”. On the contrary, he calls him friend. 

In this way, -confession becomes not only a sacramental encounter with God's grace, but also a human space where old wounds begin to heal”.

Management of emotional dependence in spiritual accompaniment

As before when referring to human bonds, psychologists warn about an issue in spiritual accompaniment. It is the excessive emotional dependence of the person being accompanied on the companion.

This happens, they explain, when the person, rather than growing in inner freedom and in his or her direct relationship with God, becomes trapped in the need for approval, security or constant direction. Accompaniment then ceases to be experienced as a process of discernment and spiritual maturation, and becomes a search for immediate calm in the face of anxiety.

Warning signs

Some signs that may alert the companion are:

- constant search for approval (“Am I doing it right? What will God think?”),

- difficulty in making decisions without prior consultation, even in everyday matters,

- anxiety if the companion is not available,

- idealization of the companion as the only authorized voice,

- exaggerated fear of being wrong without their guidance.

Keys to reduce dependence

Finally, some keys. Pastoral experience and psychology show that it is more likely reduce dependence sf the accompanying person acts within these parameters:

- promotes the autonomy of the person accompanied, encouraging him/her to make personal decisions in the light of prayer and discernment,

- asks more questions and advises less, stimulating reflection rather than offering immediate answers,

- sets healthy limits on the frequency of meetings and their availability,

- avoid paternalistic or controlling attitudes, always remembering that he is a mediator and not a substitute for God's action,

- reinforces the self-esteem and identity of the person accompanied as a child of God, helping him/her to trust in the action of the Spirit in his/her own conscience.