A priest had become involved, women's issues and economic issues. He was in the consulting room to start the comeback and lamented: "if I had taken care of what I was taught from the beginning, I would not be here now". Some of what he had learned did apply: to let himself be helped by those who loved him and to start again.
Are boundaries something specific to priests? In a consultation with a manager of a multinational company, who was also confused, I explained to him some basic tools to take care of boundaries, and he asked: "Why don't they teach this in the MBA?
Boundaries help both to avoid that which separates us from who we are (affective-sexual relationships, inappropriate spending of money) and to avoid overloading ourselves with tasks, excessive attention to people, disproportionate responsibility for problems, neglect of the spiritual life or of rest and care.
Another priest - with a great development of tasks and with many people in spiritual direction - said in a friendly conversation: "They tell me to rest, but I will rest in eternal life". He was partly right, but not all of us have his physical and mental capacity. There are off-road cars that can go anywhere and other high-end cars that need to go on the road. Better to go at 80 km/hour for many years than to go at 150 km/hour and burn the car in a short time. Custody is not repression, it is care and protection of the personal.
Taking care of the limits
The objective, and consequence, of boundaries is that they personalize you, that they make you more you, that they authenticate you. This is why they make sense, they keep you safe, they take care of you, they provide security, they enhance your dignity and guard who you are. They also generate respect and care for who the other person is, who makes up my groups and community, and what corresponds to the institution to which I belong. Some ideas for taking care of them:
1.- Always be on the go. If you perceive yourself as cynical, resentful, that you already know it all or that nothing surprises you, let the alarm bells ring! Go to the doctor of the soul or of the psyche to see what is going on. There are home remedies such as being grateful for so much that you receive every day, planning the day with an attitude of making the most of it and enjoying it, training your capacity for astonishment, and looking for the novelty in every moment that is historical and will never be repeated.
One Thursday I went to Mass in a town of 1200 inhabitants. The church was clean, with fresh flowers, the monstrance with the Blessed Sacrament on the altar, the priest dressed in a raincoat and singing in high spirits, like a great feast day. The people in attendance were 3 people. That man was out of his mind! Heed the signs. Innocence is not ignorance or childishness.
2- Catholics are also infected by COVID. The normal thing is that the same thing happens to you as to others, you are normal. So, take care of yourself, because what you have in your hands is extraordinary. Treasure in earthenware vessels. When it's time for a mask, mask.
3.- Listen to the signs. If it smells burnt, check to see if it's just toast or if the stove is on fire. Pay attention to the signs, both your own and others'.
The sooner you act the better. A priest friend of mine had fallen in love with a girl he was accompanying spiritually, but he could not accept it. He had never crossed any boundaries, but neither did he cut her off and ask someone else to take over. The awakening came when an older catechist spoke to him alone and told him "either you cut now that nothing has happened yet, or you are going to get into a great torment". A spark goes out before a fire goes out.
5.- Do not go to fires alone or in your bathing suit. When there are problems or excessive activity, be adequately prepared to act effectively and to be accompanied by your allies, human and supernatural.
6.- Weird is weird and, in addition, it ends badly. Anything that catches your attention that is out of the ordinary, put it in quarantine and do not let it grow. If you are not clear, ask someone who loves you for an opinion.
Fire burns and water wets. The right distance from each person and situation allows you to be in the place that makes you authentic, not to invade or overload you, not to hurt or bother you. At the right distance from the campfire you warm up well. True empathy does not get angry.
8.- You reap what you sow. If it is listening, empathy, elegance and style, care and attention, great. If you reap mess, imbalance or disorder, see what seed you sow. Good vibes breed bad vibes.
If you want to go to La Coruña, take the road to La Coruña. Take the road of your real life every day, and look at the signs on the road that tell you where you are going and which towns you are passing through. If it doesn't fit, it's time to slow down and recalculate the itinerary.
