She walked haughtily out of the law office. Her wounded heart had hardened to suffer no more. She affixed her signature to the divorce agreement.
A few minutes later her husband, whom she already called "ex-husband", arrived. He came in, sat down where he was told to sit and read the agreement. But she did not sign...her eyes filled with tears that she could not hold back; a lump in her throat prevented her from speaking. After a couple of minutes he simply stood up and said: "I won't sign, I can't, I won't do something I don't really want to do".
From the law office the secretary called the wife to tell her what had happened. She listened attentively and surprisingly felt like a shower of cool water, the tension in her heart was relieved, she cried movingly and said, "I don't want to either!"
Forgiveness
Then came the conversation they really needed: "forgive me" they both said to each other... "Please forgive me, I want to be well with you".
The pride that divides and destroys was broken and the humility that unites and builds was allowed to enter.
A series of necessary events took place after that re-encounter: they resumed their life of faith, they went to MassThey sought a new beginning through a general confession that each one made with full awareness; they took the hand of a therapist who helped them to heal past wounds; they became involved in a marriage apostolate aimed at strengthening conjugal love, and they do it very well!
There is a kind of pride that is positive. It is given when we do a job well done, when we experience the satisfaction of a job well done, or when the success of a child or another loved one rejoices our soul (Gal 6:4).
Harmful pride
On the other hand, pride, which hinders love, is harmful and opposed to the will of God. Satan was cast out of Heaven because of his pride (Isaiah 14:12-15). He had the selfish audacity to try to replace God as ruler of the universe.
When this kind of pride enters a couple's relationship, it digs the grave of love. It starts when he or she does not want to give in or change anything. They experience a kind of moral superiority over the other and demand their change and not their own.
This misunderstood pride is evident when sentences such as these are pronounced:
"You are the drunk, you must change."
"You're the crazy one, go see who straightens you out."
"You are the infidel, purge your sentence."
"You're the bi-polar one, sink."
"I will never forgive you for that."
"Why should I ask for forgiveness?"
Humility to overcome pride
Evidently problems arise in marital relations, there are differences of opinion and inappropriate behavior in relation to each other. There are duties to fulfill and it may happen that they are not fulfilled. In such cases, it is necessary to look for the right solution, to find the necessary tools to rebuild. For this, an essential condition is the opposite virtue to pride: humility.
He is humble who recognizes that he needs help, who knows that there is much to improve in himself, who decides to learn the best way to fix things. Humility does not mean losing dignity, on the contrary, humility is to walk in the Truth as Teresa the great said.
Both partners require this attitude. Both need to learn, and strive to become a better version of themselves. If there is an addiction problem, one must accept this reality and be determined to ask for help. In the case of infidelity, in the same way, understand what has happened in order to heal it and decide for a new beginning with Christian criteria. If violence is present, all necessary means should be used to stop it completely (even if this means separation).
God desires reconciliation
When one of the two or both do not accept to work on a personal change, we can see that pride has won: "I do not give my arm to twist, that's the way I am, let the other one put up with it".
And... nothing to do... the one who wanted to fight realizes that it takes two to be right in marriage.
God desires reconciliation, forgiveness and unity, He presents the means, the circumstances, the people who will show the way of love... but He respects our freedom and with His heart pierced with pain, He continues to plead: open your heart to me (Rev 3:20), do not be afraid (Rev 3:20).Joshua 1, 9).
Listen to that voice and don't end your marriage, end your problems, accept help.
Break your pride, shatter it, may this manifestation of pride not prevent you from growing in love, forgiveness and joy.
