Diane Foley: «I could not have endured the murder of our son without my faith in God»

Diane Foley is, as she says, first and foremost a mother. She is the mother of American journalist James W. Foley, who was kidnapped in Syria in 2012 and killed by the Islamic State two years later. But Diane’s story was marked not only by loss, but also by a journey of faith, forgiveness, and the search for truth—a journey that even led her to come face to face with one of the men involved in Jim’s death.

Founder of the James W. Foley Legacy Foundation, an organization dedicated to defending the safety of journalists and supporting U.S. citizens who have been kidnapped or unjustly detained abroad, Diane has turned her suffering into a call for hope.

In October 2021, he met with Alexanda Kotey, one of the members of the jihadist group known as «the Beatles,» to listen to him and talk to him about his son.

That experience, along with the Irish writer Colum McCann, was documented in American Mother, a book that is not just the story of a tragedy, but a reflection on pain, dignity, mercy, and the possibility of continuing to love in the wake of horror. «I am a mother. That’s all, and it’s more than enough,» Diane says in its pages.

After being received in audience by Pope Leo XIV, Diane Foley has spoken on numerous occasions about how faith and prayer were the source of strength that enabled her to endure her son’s captivity and murder. In this interview, she remembers Jim as a man committed to truth, peace, and service to others, and she shares how mercy can open a path even in the midst of the deepest suffering.

In the book, you say that, above all else, you are a mother. How has the meaning of motherhood changed after everything you’ve been through with James?

– Motherhood has been and continues to be one of the greatest gifts of my life. I’ve always loved children, and I feel deeply fortunate to have had five healthy children.

The joy of motherhood has only grown deeper over the years, with the arrival of our adult children’s loving spouses and the arrival of each of our eight beloved grandchildren. We now have grandchildren ranging in age from 6 months to 19 years.

James continues to inspire me to feel a deep sense of gratitude for family, regardless of the challenges each family faces.

During James's kidnapping, how did you manage to cope with the uncertainty without losing hope?

– I managed to get through it thanks to my deep faith in a loving and merciful God, and the support of my family and friends.

Jim returned from his unjust detention in Libya, by the grace of God, so I held onto a deep hope throughout his captivity in Syria.

At the time of Jim's kidnapping in Syria, I was working on the fourteenth meditation of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, which proved to be of great help to me.

The book reveals a constant tension between the need for justice and the desire not to let oneself be consumed by hatred. How have you learned to live with those two realities?

–Both of these realities are part of my faith. God judges, but He always offers His infinite mercy, love, and forgiveness.

What led you to meet with Alexanda Kotey, one of the men involved in the kidnapping and murder of your son? Was there ever a moment when you thought you wouldn't be able to do it?

–Kotey offered to speak with the victims, so he showed himself to be open to dialogue. He knew that Jim would have met with him to try to understand why he had become a jihadist and had harmed so many people. He wanted to give him a chance to vent and explain himself; and he hoped that Jim would also listen to what I wanted to share about him. He also hoped that Jim would tell us where he had been buried. He was curious and hopeful to learn something about Jim’s final days.

On the morning of my first meeting with him, I began to lose the courage to face him, and I had to get down on my knees and pray, asking for God’s mercy and grace. I had to pray before each of my three meetings with Kotey.

During that encounter, did you discover something about evil, forgiveness, or the person standing before you that you never would have imagined?

–First of all, I was surprised that the twenty people in the room seemed to fade into the background; I felt as if only Kotey and I were talking.  Alexanda had a lot to say about his hatred for the West and how everything he had done, he had done as a loyal soldier of ISIS. He tried to justify his actions and downplay his role in Jim’s kidnapping and torture. She also expressed deep regret for my pain as a mother at every turn, both in person and in the three letters that followed. However, she never apologized for what she did to Jim.

I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as I was surprised by the great compassion I felt for him. He is the same age as one of our youngest children. We all make mistakes and need forgiveness. Hate hurts everyone… His hatred and the murder of Jim and so many others have caused terrible pain and loss not only to us, the victims, but also to himself. It is very likely that Kotey will never see his four young daughters, his wife, his mother, or his former home in the United Kingdom again; so he has lost his freedom and a large part of his life. Hatred causes pain and loss to everyone involved.

What role has faith played throughout your career?

–My faith has played a vital role over the past 12 years. I could not have endured the horrific murder of our oldest son without my faith in God and in the goodness of others.

After James's death, you founded the James W. Foley Legacy Foundation. What have you learned from supporting other families going through the terrible ordeal of a kidnapping or wrongful detention?

I have learned that channeling my pain to support other families whose loved ones have been kidnapped or unjustly detained abroad, as well as to protect journalists, has brought me comfort and joy.  Furthermore, Jim’s challenge to me to have moral courage and to inspire others has challenged and inspired me to persevere and remain hopeful.

What message or lesson do you hope readers will take away when they close the last page of American Mother?

–I hope that others will be inspired by Jim's life to use their talents and their lives to benefit others.

I also hope that readers will reflect on how important faith in God and participation in a faith community can be in their own lives. I am certain that I could not have endured Jim’s captivity and murder, nor would I have had the strength to establish the James W. Foley Legacy Foundation, without my faith, my faith community, and the kindness of others.

Each of us has the opportunity to bring hope and love to others every day.