Leire Navaridas: “I had an abortion believing it was freedom, but the wound appears sooner or later”.”

Leire Navaridas' experience illustrates the trauma of an abortion. She understood that a pregnant woman is already a mother, and inspired by her own experience and accompaniment, today she works with AMASUVE, an organization that supports women and men affected by the aftermath of abortion, recognizing it as a traumatic event with profound consequences for individuals and their relationships, as well as for society. For Leire, abortion never solves a problem, but unconditional love for a child, even a lost one, can be an engine capable of rebuilding the disorder in a woman's life. Leire will talk about it in the XII St. Josemaría Symposium, which will be held under the slogan «voices of hope» on November 14 and 15. Following the current debate on postabortion syndrome, Leire explains her point of view in this interview.

From your personal experience and from AMASUVE, how would you define what many women go through after an abortion?

-If we understand reality at a deep level, because we approach it without ideological filters, I believe that there would be little room for debate. As soon as we understand that abortion is the violent intervention of a pregnancy by which the child is removed lifeless from the uterus of the pregnant mother, how can we deny that it is a traumatic event, and what mother would not feel deeply damaged after losing a child like this? In my experience the answer is that we all feel traumatized. Another thing is when and how that trauma will be expressed.

In my case, I went for an abortion in 2008 as if I were going to have my nipples waxed. I was pro-abortionist and I believed that motherhood is the worst possible condemnation for a woman who wants to be free, because I also believed that men are sexual predators you can't trust. And the man who got me pregnant was my husband. A wedding that we performed by papers, because a “feminist” like me, could not fall into romanticism and marry for love and commitment. 

What were the key factors that influenced your recovery from postabortion syndrome and the abortion process in general.

-The initial and fundamental steps are two. The first is to accept the reality of being the mother of two dead children -because in my case, as a consequence of the abortion, I also spontaneously lost the next child-, and the second is to connect to the pain that this generates. Here the most common thing is to feel super guilty because we mothers take full responsibility for these violent deaths. Without understanding that we have also been victims of a social, political, industrial and health system that justifies, denies and promotes such violence. Because they dress it up and sell it very well in the concept of rights and freedom. And women who are broken inside, we are easily and quickly poisoned by these ideologies that deny and destroy biology.  

After the controversy over whether or not postabortion syndrome exists and everything that is happening in politics around this issue, how does AMASUVE respond? 

-To deny the damage that an abortion causes to a woman's overall health is as offensive to me as denying that a woman who has been raped is traumatized. To deny the pain of women, which I have witnessed after 7 years of accompanying them through post-abortion trauma, in order to reduce it to a far-right hoax or an invention of the pro-life movements is a sign that the Spanish Government and its Ministries of Health and Equality care much more about maintaining their political and ideological position than about truly knowing the profound reality of a pregnant woman who is condemned to abortion due to manipulation or lack of resources.

If they were really interested in promoting women's health and freedom, they would offer complete and transparent information before referring them to an abortion and, on the other hand, they would invest the 34 million they invest in abortion in support for pregnant women in vulnerable situations. Because it is a deception to think that women go to an abortion clinic free and empowered. It would only be necessary to talk to 10 women who have undergone an abortion to understand that there is no freedom, due to lack of information and sufficient support for not having an abortion when the pregnancy poses a threat to the pregnant mother. On a physical level alone, it is worth noting that many women in Spain are left sterile or without the capacity to bring more children into the world after an induced abortion performed in a clinic.

Psychiatrist Juan Carlos Pascual affirms that most women who undergo what he calls “voluntary termination” of pregnancy do not present after-effects after having an abortion. What do you think?

-Reality is manipulated with language. I cannot resume the pregnancy that I “voluntarily interrupted” in 2008. The violent intervention that takes away a lifeless child is traumatic and ends up manifesting itself over time. In my case it was years of believing that it had been a liberation and that there was no wound. I was fortunate not to be bleeding day after day for months as is the case with many women after an abortion and who cannot deny the damage no matter how much they want to turn the page and bury it in the depths of their being.

Then there is the reality that women are rarely clear about it. I did. But if someone approached the waiting room of an abortion center what they would find would be very nervous women, others crying, some desperate, others coerced by the sexual partners who accompany them to make sure that it ends without a living child, and other types of examples where you see anything but freedom, tranquility or security in the pregnant woman.

And the common thing is that sooner or later, if you have not had physical sequelae, at some point the emotional ones arrive, such as guilt or grief, or psychological ones such as recurrent nightmares, depression or suicidal thoughts. I see it every day in the women I accompany. Another thing is that psychiatrists don't understand that the woman who comes to the emergency room with an anxiety attack does so because of an induced abortion. Because, as a rule, they do not record this information in their records. And the woman may not associate it either, or she may simply be too embarrassed to say that at some point in her life she has undergone an abortion, or more. I estimate the average to be between 1.5 and 3 abortions per woman. 

How do you treat someone who has had an abortion and does not feel bad? Do you have to «convince» her that she has been harmed so that she can heal?

-In my opinion, we cannot place ourselves as a moral authority, nor as a therapeutic authority, in front of someone who does not want to heal. However, we can encourage her and offer her an opportunity to connect with her pain, which comes long before the abortion. In this sense, it is very important to understand that abortion is not the origin of a woman's discomfort, but a consequence, it is the straw that breaks the camel's back in a trajectory that was not right. After an induced abortion we find abandoned, abused or mistreated women. Therefore, one way to open the way to her wounds is to treat her with a lot of affection, love and respect. This can have a much greater impact on her than placing a reality on her that she is not capable of assuming or facing.   

When someone close to us gives us the news that they have had an abortion, what is the modus operandi?

-As one would accompany any mother in a mortuary. With much love, much respect, listening to her, serving her, accompanying her in her pain. Letting her feel with a few words or, sometimes, simply with a look that she is loved and accepted with all that she has gone through. Without judgment or condescension. From there, a bond of affection and trust can be established that allows her to open up to what she carries in her heart. And as she is getting out the pain, adding to it the understanding of what have been the factors that have led her to submit to such a violent act. Surely if you open your intimacy, a lot of loneliness, vulnerability, fear, etc. will appear. 

At a therapeutic and strategic level, it is important not to focus the discourse and the issue on the abortion, which after all is a violent event that has already happened, and to focus on the reality of the present: we are dealing with a mother whose child has been killed before birth. When in a situation like this you empathize and connect with the pain inside her, it is easy for the mother to break down in tears and begin, in a process that takes time and commitment, to free herself from pain and guilt. It is advisable to refer her to specialists, of which there are not many. AMASUVE is a free referral point available worldwide.  

Within the framework of St. Josemaría's symposium, Is there hope in the fight against abortion?

Of course. Human beings, although many think otherwise, are innately called to love. He longs for love and is moved by love. And every act of love always brings its fruits. That is why any act that brings together people attracted by the impulse to promote a Common Good is an act that not only gives hope, but is already building a good in the present. So it is to unite, reinforce and motivate the attendees. In addition to bringing the issue to the forefront.

How can we “ordinary” Christians (or non-Christians) do our bit to help “win the battle”?

-There is a very accessible way to contribute to the cause: spreading messages that convey awareness, support and motivation. And it is also very necessary and within the reach of every adult, to be an example. If I, as a woman, enjoy my femininity and my motherhood, I will be able to influence my son and the children around me to have a reference that being a woman and a mother is wonderful. It makes us shine and enjoy, as long as we have a man by our side supporting our creativity.

And if you are a man, give yourself to making those around you happy, so that the girls around you will have a real record, not a fictional one, that the man loves. This will allow them when they grow up not to give their sexuality to a man who does not make them feel equally valued and special, because they will know that there is a man who respects and loves women. And if they know they are super valuable, they will not settle for less. And the man who loves will celebrate getting his wife pregnant and that will result in a united and happy family. This can transform the human trajectory.