The experience of God's forgiveness in the sacrament of Reconciliation does not depend solely on the confessor. It is also profoundly influenced by the personal characteristics and history of the penitent, and by psychology, which until now has paid little attention to forgiveness when it refers to God. 

The study presented here is part of an international project of the John Templeton Foundation, led by Francis Fincham (Florida State University), which seeks to understand the psychological dimension of the experience of divine forgiveness.

Ten research teams: Harvard, Baylor, Navarra, etc.

The project coordinates ten independent research teams, dozens of researchers from different universities (Harvard, Baylor University or Navarra) and from different continents (South America, Australia, Italy, USA and Spain). 

One of these ten teams has focused on the experience of forgiveness in Catholics through confession, with psychologists, philosophers and theologians such as Martiño Rodríguez-González, María Calatrava or José María Pardo, who have led the project from the University of Navarra, María Pilar Martínez (Comillas Pontifical University), Juan de Dios Larrú (San Dámaso Ecclesiastical University) and Joan D.A. Juanola (CEU-Abat Oliba University). 

Twenty-five priests with a wide and diverse pastoral experience, coming from different countries and close to different ecclesial realities, were interviewed in the research, reports the study, entitled ‘Practical Guide for Confessors. Psychological and pastoral keys for the Sacrament of Reconciliation’, hereinafter the guide.

Scheme

The general summary of the study includes pastoral keys for the confessor, keys or aspects for the penitent, which we will now see in synthesis, sins that he calls “difficult and delicate situations”, and some outlines of the “psychological dimension of the sacrament”, which will be dealt with in the near future. 

Penitent factors influencing the experience of forgiveness

Self-concept and identity. Negative self-image.

Some penitents present a negative self-image, the authors point out, going so far as to merge with their sins, as if these define their identity: “I am bad”. This distorted view can make it difficult for them to open themselves to forgiveness and to separate their identity from their mistakes.

Several factors contribute to this negative self-image. These can be personal and family history, not going to confession for long periods of one's life, which can reinforce identification with sin, making it difficult to experience God's mercy. As will be seen in the guide or advice for confessors, to accompany these people, the first and most essential thing is to offer an unconditional welcome. 

Remembering that the saints knew themselves to be sinners, and that we all are sinners, can help to normalize the experience of confession. Also, directing our gaze more towards God and less towards sin helps to break the spiral of self-centeredness.

Useful resource: ‘Broken Gods. The Seven Longings of the Human Heart’, Gregory K. Popcak, a book that explores how human desires, even the darkest ones, can be transformed into means of sanctification. 

2. Image of God

The distorted representation of God is linked in many cases to previous life experiences, especially those given by attachment figures from our childhood and adolescence (parents or caregivers in the family of origin), which can be unconsciously projected onto the relationship with God. The penitent sees himself as guilty before an implacable judge, which hinders reconciliation.

However, confession can become a liberating experience when the penitent discovers that God is not first and foremost a judge, but a close and merciful Father, always ready to welcome and forgive. The warm and unconditional welcome of the confessor plays a decisive role here, the guide points out.

3. Some internal dynamics or psychological wounds

Certain psychological traits have a decisive influence on how the penitent experiences confession. Some of them act as obstacles that make it difficult to accept mercy. Among the most frequent are:

- perfectionism and self-demanding.

- scruples or the tendency to self-flagellation (circle of fear and distrust).

- victimhood reduces the identity of the person to the wound suffered.

- frivolity or narcissistic traits, which make it difficult to recognize one's own mistakes and the damage caused.

4. Significant life circumstances and experiences

Moments of rupture, grief or crisis - such as the loss of a loved one, serious illness, deep disappointments or the sensation of “hitting rock bottom” - generate a vulnerability that can favor the action of grace and predispose the person to confession. Experiences of unconditional love received throughout life also open the person to forgiveness.

The desire for spiritual growth or to respond to a vocation acts as a powerful motivation to approach the sacrament of Reconciliation. The environment and community also play an important role. The “joy of the penitent” has a contagious effect.

Key moments or “strong times” can be pilgrimages, retreats, preparation for certain sacraments (first Communion, marriage, anointing of the sick), or liturgical periods such as Advent and Lent. 

5. Formation and spirituality

A consolidated spirituality, with constant practice and experience of grace, allows one to approach the sacrament with greater openness and awareness, say the priests. “A person with a superficial spirituality is not the same as a person with a life of adoration, with an experience of grace in his or her life. That influences.”.

Likewise, “understanding the meaning of confession-what a priest is and what his mission is, etc.-facilitates a more conscious and meaningful experience”. 

6. Frequency: accompaniment for discernment

Approaching the sacrament on a regular basis allows confession to become a true path of conversion, favoring a deeper relationship with God. 

The priests emphasize, according to the guide, that there is no single frequency suitable for all penitents; each person has his or her own spiritual rhythm. Typical frequencies include weekly, monthly or irregular/annual confession (usually in Lent). 

Some recommend adjusting it every fifteen days or once a month, according to the reality of each penitent. They consider fundamental the accompaniment of the priest to discern this personal rhythm, avoiding both the obsession for frequency - as can occur in cases of scrupulosity - and the imposition of a rigid calendar.

7. Past experiences of confession

Confession after long periods without approaching the sacrament can generate a surprise effect and an intense joy for the forgiveness received. They recommend focusing on the joy of God and on the penitent's return to communion with Him, rather than on the time elapsed without confession.

The memory of severe encounters or of confessors who instilled fear accentuated guilt more than reconciliation. The confidence and security transmitted by the priest help to “pave the way” for the penitent to go back to confession, they emphasize.

Let us think for a moment about the fact that defines the sacred, man himself has within himself a reference that makes him sacred. The question of his origin, his existence and his end is always marked by something he considers sacred. 

Let us think first of all that man needs to know, to be known first, is love, there is no love without being loved, and the one who loved us, is the same one who knows us. Man opens himself to the supernatural, but he opens himself by the simple fact that he has supernaturalness, it is in other words “to show a true face”. The being open to transcendence is not exhausted, that being-with God, which gives it its existence, that relationship with the sacred, of which Leonardo Polo speaks to us: “being-with respect to God means absolute dependence”. Without the relationship, the being is simply enclosed in a loss of meaning. 

Hierophany

The holy places that we can appreciate are in our world, it is not a reality that is outside our space. In this is important the term hierophany that means the manifestation of the sacred, and this manifestation cannot be excluded from the earthly realm, otherwise it would not be sacred but simply eschatological, which we would not be able to see or witness. 

In this sense, in the temples we find a fundamental part that founds the sacred places, but to know the places we need an attraction towards those places, and that attraction is the power of the divine. If we stop a little in the rites, in the fact of the sacred towards which man participates as an active being, we get into the liturgy. This means that man participates in the divinity in a sphere, but not by capacity, but by gift. It could be said that it is an introduction to the time of God, but simply because He loved us first. 

 If we go to the passage of the burning bush, where Moses enters and what he is told is “take off your sandals from your feet, for the place you are treading on is holy” (Ex 3:5), the fact that he enters a place is to enter God's time, where the noises of the exterior have no validity. This, although sometimes forgotten, does not manage to lose its character of transcending man, by its opening to what is truly beautiful and true.

Man's need to encounter something sacred is ultimately to encounter the one who gives him his true being, gives him his beauty and gives him his goodness, not in a simple sense, but his being as one, with his true being, his beauty as he shares it with the creator and goodness as he tends to it, as his own or another's good. 

The concept of “the divine man” is sometimes upset by the fault of relativism, nothing does more harm than going like a boat in the middle of the sea, from side to side and not having a fixed course, this by the simple fact that we become hypocrites before God and before ourselves. In the sacred, man plays an important role, he is the one to whom the sacred is directed, in the same way man is directed to the sacred, not as a simple desire, but as a mere necessity. 

The temple

The defense of divine places are sometimes desecrated throughout history, but does man not have divinity? How does something created from the divine, attack the divine? If we look at it, the men who challenge the sacred places are those who believe themselves to be divine, created out of love and with freedom, yet unable to reciprocate that love. 

“His fathers used to go every year to Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover” (Lk 2:41) This is the feast of the lamb, which is one of the three feasts of the Jewish calendar to make a pilgrimage, which obliges men to appear before the temple, which included the sacrifice of the lamb. The loss of Jesus in the temple that tells us is certainly surprising, because we realize several details: first of all the loss of Jesus who is found three days later, but three days? Jesus in another passage speaks in John: “Destroy this temple and I will rebuild it in three days” (19) is a relationship that shows how the temple of God, is now in a temple built by mankind to give worship to the same that is the temple. It is his body, the divinity is no longer between walls, it is now in the person of Jesus. 

The three days, the same days he spends in the tomb, symbolize not only the death, but the resurrection, the most perfect temple has been rebuilt. The establishment of the new cult and the new, living and eternal covenant is presented by teaching how to go to the Father, and this way to the Father is done through the sacraments, carefully prepared, first of all worthy, which will never equal the full beauty before God. They orient man towards adoration. Thus, the temple, as a sacred place, becomes a mediator that makes Christ present, who is the true Temple, and teaches how to participate in the communion with the Father. 

Now, the encounter with the temple of God, in Christ himself, brings about communion with him, but also with one's neighbor. The now divine law no longer dwells in stone, but in a person who also explains the law: “Why did you seek me? did you not know that I must be about the things of my Father?” (Lk 2:49) the things of the Father, which includes being in existence every day with the recognition that we are before God.

Places help us to always be in communion with God, because of the beauty that most of them contain, from a painting to a crucifix, which transports us to the mystery of the Redemption, which always reminds us that we are God's creatures and that God is God. Entering the space destined for God makes it visible that the heart always has its gaze fixed on the creator, hence the importance of taking care of them, since they are constantly bringing praise to God himself, following the example of Christ himself.

It is a way of being, where the supreme goodness takes the initiative to reveal itself, and this relationship with God leads to the rites, to the liturgy and to the worship that is ours to give. When we think of the rites, we think of the entire liturgy, with its center in the Holy Mass, but which also involves the hours of the whole Church, with a constant extension of the Eucharist by making ourselves victims and sharers in the divine filiation. 

“Christ Himself performs the worship before the Father, He becomes worship for His own at the moment that they gather with Him and around Him” (Joseph Ratzinger “The Spirit of the Liturgy”) the community that gathers, that shows that Christ is the recipient and at the same time is the subject who offers in the person of the priest, hence the importance of the churches as a temple, because it is where Christ Himself offers Himself to the Father, and gathers us with Him, therefore; The liturgy itself is not born of a human invention, nor of a convenience, but of a divine revelation, so that men may come to the knowledge of the truth.

Speaking of the sacred places, we must also mention St. Mary, as the bearer of the divinity, the one who carried in her womb by which the world was made, “Mary, in whom the Lord will dwell, is in person the daughter of Zion, the Ark of the Covenant, the place where the glory of the Lord dwells: she is “the dwelling of God among men” (Rev 21:3). “Full of grace”, she has given all of herself to the one who comes to dwell in her and to the one who will deliver the world” (CEC 2676). The Ark mentioned in the Old Testament, which contains the presence of God, is now Mary who carries in her womb the creator, in her, who by her purity is carved with gold inside and out, is the one who receives the greatest treasure to achieve Salvation, to her who has an essential place and not least in our sacred places, we always go as Virgin who is not overtaken by sin, is able to reach, embrace and support the sinner.

The three main difficulties that man has in believing in God are: that his laws are a threat to our freedom, the warning of the presence of evil in the world and the suffering of the innocent. We have already discussed the first issue in a previous article entitled The Lord's slaves to which I direct the reader for consideration. It is the second and third difficulties that I now intend to analyze. And they are important difficulties, since part of the reason why there is so much affective atheism has its origin in these reasons.

The issue is summed up in one question: how can an omnipotent being allow bad things to happen? This question is very old, in fact, Epicurus is credited with the famous conjecture that can be summarized in the incompatibility of the existence of evil and suffering in the world with the existence of an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent and omnibenevolent God. In order to try to explain it, we shall divide the origin of this evil into four parts: on the one hand, the moral evil that arises from the will of man (we shall call it active evil); on the other hand, the evil that comes from the evil man but is suffered by the innocent (we shall call it passive evil); a third physical evil that arises from man himself and affects him, which we shall call disease; and finally an evil that arises in nature and affects any man, which we shall call physical, casual or fortuitous evil.

Bad asset

Let us begin with the evil that men do (active evil) and that is only attributable to themselves. If God wanted to take the risk of creating beings in his image and likeness, then these beings must necessarily be free and capable of loving, like him. If this were not so, they would not be made in his image and likeness.

In general, we know how to identify the good that affects the whole of the human community in very fundamental things that are accepted by all men. Basically these rules that regulate it are contained in public and private international law. Examples of these laws are the development of universal traffic rules, do no harm to others and respect human dignity.

However, there is a deep difficulty in man to know what is good when it affects oneself or others in daily life. This difficulty has its origin in the distortion introduced within man at the beginning of his creation and is recounted in Genesis. This difficulty undermines the ability to be free, which is to choose the good, so that to the extent that we choose evil, we progressively lose this ability to be free.

God helps us with his norms so that we can develop that capacity for freedom to choose the good in order to live and be happy (Dt 4:5-9). Let us not interpret these norms as a threat to our freedom; rather, they are the GPS that continually shows us how to be happy according to our nature. God's laws do not limit us; they set us free. The question is to trust Him or not. Each one chooses. God wants free children who love him, not slaves who fear him.

This classical explanation could satisfy us to explain moral evil in the world. There are simply people who really want and do evil and voluntarily deviate from what God wants. Moreover, it is thanks to the presence of evil that virtue can be exercised. If cowardice did not exist, one could not be courageous. If pride did not exist, humility could not be exercised.

Bad passive

But now comes the second problem, passive evil, which is less understandable: why do the innocent have to suffer the evil provoked by other men? However, the real question is not why these things happen, but rather: why does God allow them?

Let us consider for a moment the history of God's relationship with man. There are some events narrated in the Old Testament, which have attracted much attention and have been the object of criticism against God, calling him tyrant, avenger and cruel. These are episodes such as when God ordered the annihilation of Canaanite cities, telling the Israelites to kill the entire population (Dt 2, 34: 20, 16-18; 1 Samuel 15, 2-3). The reason was that these people did abominable things, such as the sacrifice of small children or sacred prostitution.

Centuries earlier, God almost wiped out the earth's population with the universal flood because of the absolute corruption into which the earth's inhabitants had fallen. Only eight people remained.

Why do we complain when God destroys people who were doing real savagery, even with children? Earlier we asked why God does not intervene to prevent evil in the innocent, but when he has done so, do we protest and are we scandalized? We complain when he does not prevent evil, but we also complain when he has done it, what then?

Man's complaint about how God does things is very frequent. And the complaints are in two senses. We complain when he is merciful, but we also complain when he is just. God's justice does not oppose his mercy, the only thing that opposes justice is vengeance.

Moreover, we interpret God's laws according to our own interests. We do not want to recognize that God is Lord and owner of the Universe and is not subject to any rule, and our way of thinking leads us to consider that God's mercy is not just or his justice is not merciful.

Does God ask for the impossible?

There is a very demanding moment of God in the New Testament that again may seem unfair to us: when he asks us to forgive seventy times seven (Mt 18:21-35). Will I have to forgive my husband who has been unfaithful to me many times with another person? Will I have to forgive the boss of my company who abuses me at work? Will I have to forgive my father, mother or children when they are continually mistreating me?

It seems that God asks for the impossible, but it is not so. There are several references in the Gospels where it appears directly to forgive seventy times seven. This is true. But Luke, who says at the beginning of his Gospel that he has been reliably informed of everything, says: “If your brother offends you, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; if he offends you seven times in one day, and seven times again says to you, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” (Lk 17:3-4). There is an important detail: “if he repents, you will forgive him.”. So, do I have to forgive my husband who continually cheats on me and is a cynic or a hypocrite? It does not seem so. If he is not repentant, he cannot be forgiven. But not forgiving does not mean wishing him harm. Not forgiving and wishing someone harm are two different things. Many times it is even good to separate from that person because he is hurting us. Peace is a good to be protected. Moreover, a priest may not give absolution of sins if he sees that the penitent does not show repentance when he goes to the confessional. God does not ask the impossible. 

True healing

The true inner healing when we have been passive subjects of an evil provoked by another person is not in forgiving. The true inner healing is in assuming that what has happened God has allowed it to happen in order to achieve a greater good.

To understand this we have to explain, briefly, what happened to Joseph, the penultimate son of the patriarch Jacob. His brothers threw him into a well with the intention of killing him, although they finally sold him to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt and he ended up in prison because he did not consent to have sexual relations with a married woman. But suddenly, events took a turn. Thanks to his ability to interpret dreams, Pharaoh appointed him prime minister of Egypt. It was then that his brothers went there to look for food. After several comings and goings from Canaan to Egypt, Joseph finally made himself known to his brothers and made a comment that is not to be missed: “God sent me before you to ensure your survival on earth and to save your lives in an admirable way. So it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Gen. 45:7-8). Attributing everything that happens to us in our lives to God's Providence, the good and the apparently bad that we suffer, is the healthiest way to live happily.

However, not content with discussing God's decisions, we also think he does things wrong. In general, we do not make ourselves clear with God. He said so Himself: “My ways are not your ways.” (Isaiah 55:8-9). What may seem to us to be a bad decision, or even things that we think are not right, He says are perfect. In the New Testament it is striking when Jesus was asked: “who sinned this or his parents that he was born blind”.”. And the answer was clear: “neither he nor his parents sinned but was born blind that the works of God might be made manifest in him.”. So, is a child born blind the work of God? Yes, it is. God says in the book of Exodus “The Lord said to him, 'Who has given man a mouth? Who makes him dumb, deaf, seeing, or blind? Am I not the Lord? (Exodus 4:11). And automatically comes our conclusion: God does not make things perfect. And if we continue in the same line of reasoning we will come to the conclusion that either God cannot exist, or God is unjust, or He makes things imperfect.

God's Illogic

If we can say anything about God, in terms of the way he acts, it is that he really does illogical things, if we compare them with our logic. He promised Abraham, Isaac and Jacob great offspring and it turns out that their wives Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel were barren. Only when He willed did He make them fertile. Moreover, God commands Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son of promise.

Then God became a man and was born of a woman without the participation of a man, he even died as God and then, to the bewilderment of the whole world, he was resurrected. God's plans are literally incomprehensible to man. Clearly our way of seeing things is nowhere near the way God sees them. Besides, for Him nothing is impossible.

Sometimes I am surprised by some philosophers who analyze what God can or cannot do, or by some theologians who study God as if he were an object instead of a free person. They put limits on His doing or thinking because He cannot do illogical things. We have to recognize once and for all that He has created the world. It is His and He has given it to us as heirs. We are the children of a landowner but He still holds the title deed and makes it rain on the just and the unjust, when and as He wills.

We try to mold our thoughts and judgments to those of God. And seeing how events have unfolded throughout history, this way of thinking is a major mistake. “How unfathomable their decisions and how untraceable their ways.” (Romans 11:33), “the wind blows where it wills and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” (Jn 3:8). It may seem unfair to us, but if we are not aware that God is Lord and sovereign of the universe, we will always be complaining about his decisions and why he did not prevent this or that event.

When Jesus arrived in Nazareth, his countrymen demanded that he do there the miracles he had done in Capernaum. And he refused. And they almost threw him off a cliff. If our disposition before God is one of demanding, of exchanging merchandise or of nonconformity, we will be replacing the image of God within us with an image of ourselves. We will only see and rely on our thoughts. We will elevate ourselves to the category of God, without being God, “you shall be like God” (Genesis 3, 5) and we will not let God act in our life and it will seem unfair that a “stranger” acts in the creation, which is His, without considering that in reality we are guests. And this complaint hides at the bottom a great pride that places us in a situation of defenselessness, before God himself, who will take advantage of the serpent to enslave us, make us lose our freedom and eliminate our capacity to love.

Physical ailments

Finally, we will look at the third and fourth type of physical evils: illness in an innocent person, or a natural catastrophe that kills or cripples many people. How is it possible for a child to die at a young age from cancer? Or, how is it possible that an earthquake kills thousands of people in an instant? Doesn't God have the power to prevent these things?

If we define chance as the name God uses when he acts incognito, then the answer is simple: this is how God's works are manifested in the world. And let us not insist on the idea that it is unfair. Only God knows why things happen. Sometimes God acts, when we least expect it, and in a surprising way, redirecting events in a different way. As with Joseph. Sometimes, he grants us things that are true miracles and, above all, we are unaware of the countless number of times he has been able to act in our lives and we have not been aware of it. When these things that we call misfortunes happen, God may give us an explanation in time and, as it is often said, time heals everything.

However, I believe that the great key to being completely satisfied with this approach does not lie in an unconditional assumption of God's will. That is all very well, but it is not enough. That assumption may even be heroic, but the real foundation of why these things happen rests in the reward that will be there after we die.

The life of man on earth is in reality a sigh, compared to eternity. This life is, as St. Teresa of Jesus said “a bad night in a bad inn”.”. However, this expression is said in the 16th century, when the inns were very poor and the quality of life was generally bad. Today we live very well and it is increasingly difficult to think that we will have to leave this land at some point. But it is no less true that everything would make sense if at death there really was a great prize: what we call Heaven.

The serpent has a special appetite for distorting the idea of Heaven within us, making us think that it is a boring place, always worshipping God, as if we were always praying. Seen in this way, the truth is that Heaven is not very appealing.

Heaven as a reward

Heaven, as Isaiah, St. Peter and St. John said in the Apocalypse, consists in the transformation of the present world into a new world. “new heavens and a new earth”.” (Isaiah 65:17; 2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 21:1) where we will exist with our own resurrected and glorious body that we can identify, that will obey us without complaining, that there will be no more suffering, no more pain, that we will be happy and every day that passes we will be happier, without feeling satiated, being with God eternally as in Eden, but in a big way, enjoying the promised inheritance on the new earth.

With this perspective in mind, what would we then think of the injustice of this life? Would we still think that God is unjust in allowing suffering if afterwards there is an immense and eternal reward? If we think like this, with our head set on Heaven but our feet on earth, would we not be beginning to think like God, with another perspective? Does our heart not rejoice considering these things?

We have to learn to live detached from this world, thinking that it is temporary and passing and that it will not be the same as the one to come. It will be better than Eden, which was the initial place God intended for man. Knowing this will give us a new perspective on life, and the hope of what God has promised will give us happiness even if we continue to suffer for things we do not understand.

If we were to consider more often this truth of the existence of the Heaven promised by God, we would then understand that the child born blind will later see more than anyone else, the poor, the hungry and the humiliated will possess the whole earth, the one who wept will not stop laughing and above all those who had a good, simple and clean heart will see the face of God.