María had spent the entire afternoon preparing dinner. It was her fiftieth birthday that day. Her children arrived one after another, hugged her affectionately, gave her flowers, and began to chat. Her husband arrived a little later. He kissed her on the forehead and said, “I’m so glad dinner’s ready.” During dinner, they talked about work, politics, and their grandchildren. As the day drew to a close, María smiled and gave thanks to God… but as she went to bed, a tear rolled down her cheek. It wasn’t ingratitude. She had been hoping to hear a phrase that never came: “I love you.”
Her husband loved her deeply. They had spent thirty years together. He worked hard, was responsible, and had never let her down. However, she needed to hear what he took for granted.
How many stories like this are there? Parents who never tell their child how much they love them because they think it “will go to their head.” Adult children who never express their affection because they’re too shy. Friends who say goodbye without knowing that it will be the last time they see each other. Marriages where love exists, but remains hidden behind the daily routine.
Why do two such simple words hold so much power? Because human beings were created to love… but also to know that they are loved.
Contemporary psychology confirms this. Psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, one of the leading experts in interpersonal neurobiology, explains that our brain does not develop in isolation. It is literally shaped within emotional relationships. The quality of our bonds alters the neural connections that regulate our emotions, our ability to trust, and even the way we cope with suffering.
Neuropsychiatrist Allan Schore has shown that repeated experiences of affection during childhood shape the development of the right hemisphere, which is responsible for emotional regulation. In other words, the brain learns a sense of security when it experiences expressed love. It is not enough simply to love; love needs to be felt.
Research by Dr. John Gottman, based on decades of tracking thousands of married couples, shows that the happiest couples are not those who never have conflicts, but those who maintain a very high proportion of positive interactions. Among these, verbal expressions of affection, admiration, and gratitude stand out. Words strengthen the bond because they constantly remind the other person, “You’re still important to me.”.
Neuroscience also explains this phenomenon. When a person hears sincere words of love, the brain releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with attachment, trust, and cooperation. Neuroeconomist Paul Zak found that higher levels of oxytocin promote empathy, reduce distrust, and strengthen social bonds. At the same time, levels of cortisol—the primary stress hormone—decrease.
A genuine “I love you” doesn’t just stir our emotions. It also calms the brain. But we can go even deeper.
The psychiatrist Viktor Frankl asserted that the highest human experience consists in discovering the unique and irreplaceable value of another person. To love means to see in another person possibilities that they themselves may not yet be able to see. When we say “I love you,” we are implicitly saying, “Your existence is of immense value to me.” That explains why the absence of those words leaves such deep wounds.
Many adults remember perfectly well that their homes were never lacking in food, clothing, or education. However, they grew up with a painful inner question: “Am I really important to anyone?”
The philosopher Edith Stein wrote that a person only comes to know themselves fully when they are looked upon with love. Our identity awakens under the loving gaze of another. First, that of our parents; then, that of those who walk alongside us; and, finally, that of God.
St. John Paul II developed this same idea from the perspective of Christian anthropology: human beings cannot fully understand themselves except through love. We were created for communion. That is why isolation is so painful and why loving words have such healing power.
St. Thomas Aquinas defined love as “desiring the good of another” (wish another well). That desire must certainly be expressed through actions, but also through words. Because words make the invisible visible. They are the bridge between the heart and the one who longs to be loved.
God himself chose to reveal himself in this way. The entire history of salvation can be understood as the story of a God who insists on telling humankind, “I love you.” The Father’s voice resounds at the Jordan: “This is my beloved Son” (Mt 3:17). Jesus repeatedly tells his disciples: “I have loved you” (John 15:9). And Saint John sums up Christian identity with an extraordinary phrase: “We have come to know the love God has for us, and we have believed in him.” (1 John 4:16).
Before asking us to love, God lets us know that we are loved. Perhaps that is the secret. Words of love do not create love, but they do reveal it, strengthen it, and make it believable.
Let’s never assume that others “already know.” They may sense it, but the human heart needs to hear it. A child who frequently hears “I love you” builds a stronger sense of self-worth. A teenager finds refuge from the pressures of the world. A married couple strengthens their bond. A grandparent discovers that they are still valued. A friend regains hope.
We don’t know what our last conversation with our loved ones will be. That’s why we shouldn’t hold back. Maybe today, someone close to us doesn’t need advice, a correction, or a gift. Maybe they’re just waiting to hear, from our lips, those two words that have the power to calm the mind, strengthen the heart, and remind them that their life is worth living:
“I love you.”
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