– Angelus News / Elise Ureneck
The Beauparlants seemed like the kind of Catholic family parishes dream of: six children, regular attendees at weekly Mass, and deeply committed to their faith. Allison, who was 46 at the time, and Ted, 50, had been married for 19 years. Few of those who knew them would have foreseen that a crisis was looming.
Parishes, ministries, and courts are dealing with this reality as it unfolds. Since most of these marriages lasted for several decades, their dissolution has repercussions for adult children, grandchildren, the rest of the family, and friends.
With regard to divorce, the Church has focused primarily on prevention (through “Pre-Cana” marriage preparation programs) and on addressing the issue of annulment, which is resolved in its courts.
However, the rise in long-term divorce rates makes it clear that this is far from sufficient: more couples need help during the middle years of marriage, as well as an assessment of their situation when they reach a breaking point.
Divorce Among the Elderly: The Numbers
A 2025 report by the Institute for Family Studies now estimates that the failure rate for first marriages is 40 %—which, in fact, represents an improvement over previous years—and marriages in the early 21st century are already lasting longer than those of the previous generation.
However, there is one group that remains the exception.
Divorce rates among American couples over the age of 50 are twice what they were in 1990, and divorce rates among Americans over the age of 65 have tripled. In 2019, about 36 % of all divorces involved people aged 50 or older. That figure has remained stable so far.
In her book *Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Baby Boomers, and the Silent Generation—and What They Mean for America’s Future* (Atria Books, $13.89), psychologist Jean Twenge speculates that the rise in the divorce rate among baby boomers is linked to their belief that marriage must go “beyond duty to meet the highest expectations of sexual pleasure and companionship.”.
Setting aside serious problems—abuse, coercion, a marriage entered into without true freedom—many decide to end their relationship when the marriage fails to meet that high standard, sometimes after decades of poor communication and growing apart.
And, as “The Wall Street Journal” recently reported, the cost of divorce after age 50 is high: the decline in standard of living and the division of assets leave many worse off, as do the deterioration of social networks and the loss of a partner with whom to face declining health and aging.
Generally speaking, the divorce rate among Catholics who attend Sunday Mass is lower than that of the general population, but Mass attendance among “baby boomers” has been steadily declining for decades, falling to 30 % in recent years. Only 22 % of Generation X, who are now in their 50s, attend Mass every week.
Although divorce is often portrayed as a personal decision, social science studies are clear: its effects extend across several generations, affecting both children and grandchildren who were not even born at the time of the separation.
A historical study conducted in 2005 revealed that divorce lowers educational attainment, increases marital conflict, and weakens the bonds between parents and children—specifically among the grandchildren of those who have divorced. A couple who divorce today more than doubles the likelihood that their own grandchildren will do the same someday.
The Causes of Marital Unhappiness or Separation
What leads so many middle-aged and older couples to get divorced?
For many, the “empty nest” is a major factor. When the youngest child leaves home, many couples find it difficult to regain their balance as husband and wife.
“Even the joy of raising children can lead to focusing exclusively on them, to the detriment of marriage,” said Father Jack Dickinson, judicial vicar of the Diocese of Portland, Maine.
As a parish priest and an expert in canon law, Dickinson is responsible for both preparing couples for marriage and overseeing the tribunal that adjudicates requests for annulments.
“I emphasize the need for couples to put their relationship with God before their marriage,” he said. By prioritizing their relationship over other obligations, including professional ones, “they create the space necessary to get to know and love their spouse, and to be known and loved by him or her.”.
Maintaining a friendship with your spouse is essential for keeping your marriage strong as it reaches its midpoint.
Ester Munt-Brooks, a Catholic speaker for “Faith with Joy Talks,” emphasizes how important it is for couples to maintain a sense of curiosity about each other.
She and her husband, Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and best-selling author, have spent decades leading “Pre-Cana” premarital preparation and marriage support programs in parishes, and they bring theological and social science perspectives on happiness to their ministry.
“There’s always more you can learn about the other person,” he said. “When we feel comfortable, we take certain things about our spouses for granted. But we should stop and ask ourselves, ‘Why does he (or she) do this?’”.
“We should keep asking questions,” she said.
Changes in health, especially the radical transformation that women undergo during the decade leading up to menopause, also influence marital conflicts.
Caroline Gindhart, a certified nurse specialist at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center’s “Divine Mercy” Women’s Health Department, noted that while some women go through perimenopause without any problems, for others it disrupts every aspect of their daily lives.
“Hormonal changes cause hot flashes, insomnia, mood swings, weight gain, pain during sexual intercourse, and a decrease in sexual desire,” she said, all of which can strain intimacy and marital communication precisely when the empty-nest syndrome is already redefining a woman’s identity.
A few years after having adjusted to that change, a couple may face the challenge posed by the husband’s identity crisis when he retires. Upon losing their jobs, many realize that they have lost not only an occupation, but also their primary source of purpose, routine, and sense of belonging.
“I think that when you’re in your twenties and thirties, you feel a little invincible and you just keep going. You’re driven by energy,” said Allison Beauparlant. “When you reach your forties and fifties, you start to think, ‘What is my life? Is this all there is?’”.
The first lines
Will the rise in divorces among older adults continue, or is this a generational anomaly? The data are inconclusive. In the meantime, Catholics are among those trying to help turn the tide, one couple at a time and one person at a time.
Gindhart stated that Naprotechnology practitioners, many of whom are Catholic, are at the forefront of new treatments designed to help women during menopause.
According to Gindhart, hormone replacement therapy “can be very effective for some women.” Unlike the carcinogenic synthetic hormones that were administered to women in the past, today’s therapy uses bioidentical hormones to replace those that are lost.
“We’ve seen how many relationships improve when a woman has better control over her symptoms,” she said.
When their marriage was at its lowest point, Ted and Allison attended a weekend retreat with “Marriage Rediscovery” (formerly known as “Retrouvaille”), which is now a canonically recognized private association of the faithful.
“Those 48 hours in 2012 changed everything,” Ted said. “We became speakers, and we’ve already shared our story more than 60 times in 15 different states.”.
“‘Marriage Rediscovery’ is like ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ for couples in crisis,” Allison said. “The reason Alcoholics Anonymous works is because people keep coming back. It’s not a one-time solution. You need ongoing support.”.
After an initial retreat, participants receive support through in-person or virtual meetings in small groups for as long as they need it.
After witnessing his parents' divorce, Meola sensed that there were others like him who needed help managing their anger, anxiety, and fear that they might not be able to maintain a lifelong vocational commitment.
“Most children of divorced parents don’t begin to come to terms with their trauma until adulthood,” he said. “Sometimes, all it takes is someone who will listen to you, share your pain, and help you take the next step in your life of faith and your vocation,” he added.
In 2020, Meola’s ministry—which was based on small peer groups and aimed at adult children of divorced parents—became a national nonprofit organization known as “Life-Giving Wounds.” The ministry is currently active in 31 dioceses. Demand is so high that Meola has set a goal of opening 50 college groups over the next five years.
The ministry helps participants address the self-protective behaviors they developed in response to their parents' divorce—habits that helped them survive at the time but now interfere with their own relationships as adults.
“We have seen people return to the faith. We have seen people who had given up on marriage find it possible to get married. We have helped priests and religious who were struggling to remain faithful to their vocation,” he said.
In a recent address to the Roman Rota, Pope Leo XIV warned canon lawyers not to grant annulments to divorced couples, calling it “false mercy”—a stance welcomed by those working on the front lines.
Dickinson pointed out that, as a canon lawyer by training, the Pope is aware of the problem posed by taking a lax approach when judging the validity of a marriage.
“A canon lawyer might be tempted to think that a divorced person has had a difficult life and therefore deserves the opportunity to have a healthy marriage by declaring that person free to remarry.” However, he continued, “the Holy Father is helping the entire Church recognize that the institution of marriage is greater than any of us.”.
The Beauparlants hope to reduce the stigma associated with asking for help. “We see a lot of recurring problems, such as money management, infidelity, spending too much time on social media, pornography, and addictions,” Ted said. “But a hardworking couple that has God in their lives is more likely to stick with the program and succeed.”.
When asked what gave them hope, Allison spoke of a couple in their 80s who had recently attended a weekend retreat.
“They told us that, basically, they had endured an unhappy marriage for more than 50 years and that they just wanted to ‘make things right’ before it all ended,” he said. “See? It’s never too late.”.
This article was first published in Angelus News. We are reprinting it on Omnes with permission. You can read the original article HERE.
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